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Friday, October 5, 2007

Bulging Discs and Inflamed Sciatic Nerves vs. Reality

I wake up every morning in pain, and I go to sleep every night in pain. Sometimes I wonder, how in the hell did this happen to me? I am young, vibrant, active, energetic...did I mention young? I always said that I didn't want an office job, and I should have listened to my first mind. Don't get me wrong - I love my job. But sitting at a desk all day everyday is the reason why I am so jacked up. I take Vicodin at least 6 times a day, not to mention all the other pills I have to take. I'm either in pain or drowsy/sleepy as hell. Despite it all, I guess things could be so much worse. I could be homeless. I could be poor. I could have no family and no one to love me. I could be without limbs. I could be blind or deaf. I could have a terminal disease. I could be in an abusive relationship. I could be in Iraq fighting a purposeless war. Now that I think of it...things are not as bad as they seem. I have a family who loves me. I have a best friend who loves me. I have a great paying job that I love, along with great co-workers. I have a lovely home. I have an awesome SUV. I have money in the bank and food to eat. I am free from diseases. I have all the amenities a girl could ask for. Most of all - I AM BLESSED! My bulging disc and inflamed sciatic nerve don't seem so bad after all :)

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

The Sound Of Music

I can feel the mic in my hand. I visualize myself on stage with my band, my background singers, my stool for when I'm really vibing. The crowd is going wild, and I'm just as anxious as they are. I say a prayer before I leave the dressing room (a ritual). My mom and niece are right by my side. My niece wants to join me onstage, but she can't right now - she'll take over the show, but in a 4 year old, cute kinda way. I'll call her out later for our special duo. They hold my hands as we walk towards the stage. I hear the crowd chanting, "TAM, TAM, TAM." I'm so excited. My intro music is playing and my assistant hands me my favorite diamond mic. It's time y'all, it's time. The lights in the arena go dark, and specks of light sparkle throughout. The crowd goes wild. My assistant grabs my hand and with the help of a flashlight, she walks me closer to the stage. I start singing. I hear cheers and screams. It's time y'all, it's time. I walk out on stage to the Sound of Music.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Is it Monday Again?

It's like you're at work and you are so happy that the weekend has come. But the next thing you know - it's Monday all over again. I vote for a 3 day work week. Hey, life is too short to be consumed by the 9-6 office job that ends up fucking up your vision by looking at a computer screen all day, giving you carpal tunnel, making your back hurt as if you're a 75 year old person, and making you fat because you can't exercise. Well, that's just my take on it :)

As I stated in an earlier blog, I vowed to make this past weekend about finding a manager. So did I end my procrastination phase and dedicate my time and energy to putting my career back on track - drum roll - hell to the nawl. In all fairness, my air conditioner broke and I was in a sweat box - not for real, for real - but for real!. Okay, I'll keep it real - that's no excuse; I just didn't do it. I did, however, highlight the manager's names that I would send my packets off to. That's better than doing nothing, right? Oh, and I did go purchase more blank CD-R's and DVD-R's so I could make copies of my stuff. As I think about it, I was a little productive. Right now, I am in the process of creating a CD label. Initially, I used my picture on the front, but I think I'll keep it simple and just use my name with a cool background. Well, I just wanted to keep you posted, but a sista has to get back to work. I gotta keep making that money :) Okay, I'm out, y'all.

Peace,
Tam

Friday, August 17, 2007

Patti Labelle


When you hear a song, don't you want to be touched and taken to that next level? Everytime I hear Patti Labelle sing, that is what happens. She moves me. It is such an emotional and spirit filled experience; an out of body experience. Never have I heard someone sing with so much passion. There is not one single soul that can touch Patti when it comes to vocals. She can sing her ABC's (which she has) and she'll take on you on a emotional journey. Since the age of 13, she has been someone that I've been in awe of. I wish that I could captivate an audience in that way. I can watch her over and over again - and never get tired. I just have to give props where props are due and say that no one does it like Ms. Patti. She will cut, slice and dice anyone that you put before her. And that's what I love so much about her. She doesn't hold back - she gives her all every single time. She will never dim her light so that someone else can shine. Why should she? God gave her that amazing talent and she will keep on keepin' on. That's what I aim to do - thanks Patti for inspiring me! Check her out singing her ABC's - it's dope!

Check out the Pose


When I move, you move - just like that!

What My Best Friend Means To Me


What does it mean to be a best friend? Is it talking on the phone? Is it going out clubbing? Is it buying me something to eat? Is it fixing my hair? Is it going on trips together? The answer is Hell No! If that's what you think a best friend is, then you are sadly mistaken. Let me tell you about my Best Friend, Quencie. When I met her, we instantly clicked. Have you ever met someone for the first time, and it seems as if you've known them your entire life? That was the bond we shared. I felt immediately comfortable - like I had never felt with a friend before. Now, I consider myself to be a great friend. I am there for you; I will go out of my way to help you in any way possible; I will always have your back; I will give money when I don't have it to give; I will show up, even when I don't want to. The problem is that I had never received all of that back in return. When Quencie entered my life, she was the best friend that I had dreamed of. We could talk about anything. We were extremely honest with each other, so if didn't like something that she said or did - I could tell her and vice versa. She has been there for me in so many ways. What you must understand is that, I am used to giving, but I am not used to receiving things from people, except from my mom. Quencie instantly entered my life as a giver. I was so not used to that, to the point that, we would have to go back in forth in order for me to finally accept something. WOW!!! Quencie has always been here for me. She was there to hold my hand when I was having injections in my back. She was there for me when my aunt died. Quencie had my back when I had friend drama and stood by me when most would have bowed out. She has a listening hear and a kind heart, and asks the questions that no one else does. As my best friend, she threw me a birthday party - the first ever! But more importantly, she gave me the best gift of all - a video of My Life. It included everything under the sun like my mom as the narrator, pictures and video of my grandma, me talking and singing to Snooty (my niece) on the phone, me with my brother, me with Patti Labelle. It was the kindest and most thoughful gift I had ever received. And if you were to see it, you would know how much time and effort went in to making it. What My Best Friend Means To Me is: Love, Caring, Understanding, Communication, Commitment, Trust, Loyalty, and Happiness. Without Quencie, I would not know what it means to have a true Best Friend.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Quencie and Whitney


Being that I am a HUGE Whitney Houston Fan, one would think that I would have seen her perform live, taken some pictures with her, got a hug or something by now - but I've got nothing. Whitney, where are you?? As a child, I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to sing like her, look like her, talk like her - anything Whitney would do, I wanted to do it. So, tell me this? Why didn't I submit a tape to MTV to interview her? That's because I thought she was too huge for MTV. What the hell was I thinking? That would have been the perfect opportunity. But who do I see interviewing Whitney on MTV? Quencie. The girl that I met at Clark Atlanta University a year prior. We went back and forth stating why we were the bigger fan. We asked each other stuff like: What's her show size? What's her favorite color? And we knew all the answers. When I saw Quencie interviewing Whitney, my jaw dropped. I could not believe what I was seeing - the girl I had just recently met. Now, I claim to be the #1 Fan (not according to Quencie - she calls me Fan 1A :)), but when I saw that video, I must have died laughing. I had to give her props - she did the best Whitney interview I had ever seen. She even had Whitney rolling. I could not have imagined anyone else doing that interview but Quencie. Well let's fast forward 7 years. Quencie and I are now best friends. And, I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. So, check out this bomb ass Whitney Houston interview from Quencie Thomas on MTV.

My Musical Influences


Everyone who knows me knows that I am a Patti Labelle and Whitney Houston FANATIC! I've been loving Whitney since she came out in 1985, and I've been loving Ms. Patti since I was 13 years old. Unfortunately, I have never seen Whitney Houston perform live. Can you believe that??? I did, however, see her in person. I once had front row center tickets to one of her concerts and she cancelled the show. I was like, what the hell!!! Talk about being devastated. It's all good though. I know our paths will cross really soon. So, in the meantime, check out me with Ms. Patti. I have seen her every year, at least twice a year, since I was thirteen. I have had the pleasure of dancing on stage with her several times. Hey, she called me on stage, so what's a girl to do? She actually wanted me to go on tour with her. I ain't lying. Needless to say - that didn't happen :) I also sang on stage with her. And let me just say - it was awful. The audience thought I was da bomb. I don't know why. But, when I saw the videotape of the concert (that I illegally recorded and wasn't supposed to have), I have never been so embarrassed in my life. The good thing about it was that she always remembered me after that. When she would see me, she would call me a Troll, a Heifer, and a few other "lovely" names. It was all love :) So, check us out, y'all.

Peace,
Tam


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We Are Family

I just wanted everyone to see my 2 biggest fans - my mom and niece! I want them to know how special and loved they are. When I go on tour, you best believe that they'll be right by my side :)

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My Grandmother


I had a conversation with my best friend last night about the year 2003. It made me reflect on all that happened that year. The most tragic was unexpectedly losing my grandmother. I grew up living in the same house with her, so she was truly my second mom. When I was told by my mom that my healthy grandmother had been diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer - I was in total shock! How did this happen? Where did it come from? We don't have a history of cancer in our family. Why??? It was one of the scariest times of my life. I instantly hopped on a plane to head home to Memphis, TN. My grandmother, Dorothy, was a vibrant, spunky and sassy person. She always dressed in her best from head to toe; never letting a day pass by without putting on her perfume and lipstick. She had one of the kindest hearts and she spoiled me rotten. I was her only granddaughter, and she treated me as such! She made me whatever I wanted to eat, washed my clothes, made my bed, and nagged me all the days. I loved it! Shortly after her diagnosis, Dothy, as I called her, had surgery - something called the whipple procedure. The doctor led us to believe that he had gotten all the cancer out and everything would be fine. To our dismay, it came back, and this time much stronger than before. What my mom and I didn't know was that Pancreatic Cancer is terminal; the life expectancy is 4 - 6 months. My grandmother was diagnosed in September 2002 and passed away on February 11, 2003. I talked to my grandmother the night before she died, and she had so much energy. She was in the hospital and I flew back home to Memphis to be with her. She talked and talked, and we laughed and laughed. I knew that she waited on me to come there before she passed on. I'll never forget that last special moment. Let me tell you how awesome God is. On the same day that my grandmother passed, my first and only niece was born. I live in LA, and she lives in Memphis, and she and I are inseparable. I know that my grandmother lives in her. My grandmother sent and angel to be with us during this time, and McKelvy is quite an angel indeed.

In remembrance of my grandma - Dorothy Louise Anderson

Pancreatic.org

Please, let's find a cure now!
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It's Time To Make It Happen!

Y'all, I have been procrastinating and procrastinating. But, now it is time to focus on my musical dream. I said earlier this week that I would dedicate this weekend to finding a manager. So, today, I found a list of managers to send my music to. I think I want to re-record my music and give it a "live" feel. That's up for debate though. I have to get copies of my CD, pictures, folders, etc. I already have da bomb mailing envelopes that would catch anybody's attention. If I can just commit and stay focused, then it will be all good. I will not let my self-diagnosed A.D.D. get in the way :). Okay, I'm out, ya'll.

Peace,
Tam

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Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Disneyland

I forgot to tell you about my recent visit to Disneyland. Me, my mom, my niece, and my best friend, Quencie, went to Disneyland a couple of weeks ago. And let me tell ya, it is every child's dream come true. Now, my niece is 4, and she had no idea what Disneyland was. She lives in Memphis,TN. So, I guess when I told her that she would see Cinderella (her favorite), Snow White, The Little Mermaid, Mickey Mouse, and Sleeping Beauty - all she knew was "I want to go to Disneyland right now." I told her, or shall I say, I introduced her to Disneyland 2 months prior to her coming to LA. So when I talked to her on the phone, that's all she would say: "Tee-tee, I wanna go to Disneyland." She had a blast. I was a little worn out - but what's new :) So, check out my little angel getting her Disneyland on..

Peace,
Tam

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Another Day at Work

What's up, y'all. It's another day at the J-O-B, and I can't wait to get off. Today, I must say, was pretty productive. I had meetings; I caught up on some emails; I'm bringing in money for the company. Hey, that sounds pretty good. But what I want is some sleep. It's not as bad as yesterday, but I hear my bed calling my name - tam, tam. I think I'll dedicate this weekend to getting myself together. Meaning - I'm going to find a manager and start submitting my material. I'm a great artist, and I'm very talented. This is not a cocky statement, but a true statement. I just need to stop procrastinating. If only I could do for myself, what I do for others. I don't know what's up with that, but it's a new day and a time for change. I'll keep you posted and let you know if I was true to my word :) Okay, I'm out y'all.

Peace,
Tam

Monday, August 13, 2007

My Showcase

I had a music showcase on my birthday (August 4th - Happy Birthday to me). What's up to all the LEO'S - hehe. I basically set up my apartment as if it was a stage. And I pre-programmed the music so I could really feel as if it was a real show. And let me tell ya, I felt like I was at the Gibson Amphitheater. My mom and niece were in town, so they were able to experience this with me. My best friend, Quencie, came up with the idea. I was saying that I couldn't do it until I had my background singers, band, etc. But she said that I didn't need all that. She wanted it to be all about me, and so I did it. And I am so glad that I did. If you know me, you know that I am all over the place. I have so many ideas and my mind is constantlly running about this and about that. So, for me to do this was a really big deal. I am so glad that my mom and niece were able to be here. They are my biggest fans. Especially my niece, Snooty. She's only four and knew the songs better than I did :) That's my little angel. I will post a video of the show really soon. So watch out for that. Okay, I gotta go.

Peace,
Tam

Back to Work on Monday

It's Monday, August 18th, and I an tired as hell. I wish working a 9-6 was cut down to 12 -4. I also wish that I could work 3 days a week. How cool would that be? My job is cool. I don't want to overly complain because it can easily be taken from me. But, I'm just not a morning person and waking up at 7:30am is not cool for the kid. I don't know why I'm always so tired. My job plays a factor, but maybe I'm low in iron too. All I know is that something has to give. I'm not suited for the typical office job. I need to be out on someone's stage, on a tour bus, in the recording studio, on a movie set. At least if I'm tired - it'll all be worth it. I have 2 hours left before I go home, so let me make the best of. I'm just lying -hehehe. I'm not about to do anymore work. Hell, I'm creating this blog while I'm supposed to be working. I just can't stop these creative juices from flowing :) Okay, I'm out, y'all.

Peace,
Tam